Angie's Youth and Young Adult Ministry Blog

Borrowed Material

http://dartmed.dartmouth.edu/winter03/html/vs_connect.shtml

Here is a website for an article about the importance of community, connection, and relationship when raising kids--both for the kids' sake and the parent's.  Dartmouth Medical School ran this article in their alumni magazine "Dartmouth Medicine" a few years ago.

An interesting tidbit from the article: "scientific evidence demonstrates that children are 'hardwired to connect' on a biochemical level, first with their immediate family and then with the broader community. If that connection isn't there, then 'the brain may not develop as it is supposed to...You can't change genes, but you can change how they are translated, and a nurturing environment can make a world of difference."

What we do and say, how we interact with and support one another, is critical. Change happens in the world one relationship at a time.

(thanks, Rich, for sharing these thoughts!)

And they grow up...

I realized yesterday how quickly time flies: one of our kids is in college, one is a senior in high school, the other is a junior. At this point in life, we can sit down and have conversations about things--the tug of wars are starting to go away (they aren't gone yet...but are less frequent, anyway). The best part of our conversations: sharing our highs and lows. The ritual of sharing our highs and lows has become, well, a ritual. Not just a way to get into conversation. A real ritual.

We started with highs and lows just a year or two ago, when Faith Stepping Stones became a part of our lives. It would have been great to have started our rituals of blessing and prayer and reflection when the kids were little, but we didn't. Instead, we started when we learned the tools: when our kids were in high school. Not ideal, not exactly embraced with open arms by everyone, but we stuck with it. And you know what? It worked. It works.

It's never too late to start a ritual in your life, especially when that ritual involves prayer and relationships with others and with God.

One more thing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend.

Grandparents and the Stones

The note in my box this morning:

Angie,

I love the way Stepping Stones is affecting our church community. Families are taking time to talk about faith, ask questions, and get involved in the life of the church. Everyone is having so much fun! I wish that this program would have been around when my kids were young--it would have made a huge difference. Is there any way that my husband and I (as grandparents) can get involved in this program now?

Blessings!

My response:

Grandparents involved in Stepping Stones? Great idea! This program would provide an opportunity not only for grandparents and grandchildren to develop a special bond, it would also strengthen the bond between the grandparents and their children. It's never too late to start talking with your kids about faith and life and love and hopes and dreams! So here's a challenge to all of you grandparents out there: get involved! Bring your children and grandchildren to Stepping Stone events. Start talking! Or, if you can't bring your own family, then adopt one--there are many families involved in Stepping Stones who have grandparents that for one reason or another can't participate in this amazing program. They would love to have surrogate grandparents to share their highs and lows! Give me a call and we'll get you started.

Blessings to you, too. And thanks for asking.

Angie

Surviving Adolescence

Wednesday night was the last session of this year's "Surviving Adolescence" Stone. It's the 6th Stepping Stone in a series of 8 and is intended to help parents and their 7th graders (12-13 year olds) build communication skills that will help them survive and thrive in the adolescent years. Impossible? Not at all. By sharing highs and lows every night, plus reading a scripture verse, and looking for God's presence, and saying "I'm sorry" as well as praying for and blessing one another, parents and kids can share very special, intimate moments. Moments that money just can't buy. Priceless.

At the end of the evening's events, two parents approached me with tears in their eyes to say 'thanks'. One wanted to thank me for "putting on the program" and the other wanted to thank me for pushing to make parents and kids talk. At the beginning of the first session, both of them thought that this might be wasted time. At the end of the third session, both of them were ready to change their habits and practices in order to build stronger relationship with their kids.

Awesome.

10-15 minutes a night. Every night. In every home. It works.

It's a Stepping Stones Day

Actually, it's a Stepping Stones week. Back at work half-time, I spent my week designing a brochure for the Stones program, leading Stone 6 (Surviving Adolescence), making a video of Stones at Plymouth, and working with the Stones Coordinating Team to give out information at this morning's ministries fair.

All Stones, all the time. Not a bad way to spend the week.

What did I learn? That 7th graders and their parents have an awful lot in common. They are both excited, scared, trying to get their point across, having problems with hormones (teenagers have too many, adults are losing theirs), and wondering what they will be when they grow up. Stone 6 had kids and parents both laughing and crying together. It was awesome.

What else did I learn? That making videos is a lot of fun, that working too hard isn't fun, that people are hungry for tools to help them grow closer to God and other people, and that I really do have a pretty cool job.

A good week.

Learning about the Stones

We've been in Stillwater for two days--Lisa, Michelle, Shana, and me--to earn all there is to know about Stepping Stones. So far, we haven't learned anything we didn't already know--and that's OK. Instead, we've been able to share our lives with each other: what do we wish for our children? What are some of our successes as parents? What kinds of memories do we want our kids to have about us when they have kids of their own? What kinds of stories do we want our children to tell as they stand at our graveside? Good questions.

As we engage in remembering, sharing, and dreaming we develop a common language and create a bond that will help us work together when the going gets tough and people resist this great new program because "it's new", "it's different" and because "we've never done it this way before". Churches helping families create memories? Churches helping families grow in faith? Crazy. Wonderfully crazy.

Today, the going gets tough. The rubber hits the road. We're getting to work, putting these dreams on paper, creating a plan, writing up a vision. How do we implement these crazy, wonderful dreams? Stay tuned...

Eating Dinner

The Today Show ran a segment this morning on the importance of families sitting down to eat dinner together on a regular basis. Seems that folks are starting to catch on to the concept that mealtime is important, not just for feeding purposes but for relationship purposes as well. Researchers have found that the dinner table is a perfect place to learn how to 'do' relationships: those at the table can share their highs and lows, their opinions on trivial matters and matters of importance, too. Meals shared around the table on a regular basis instill a sense of security, a sense of ritual. Meals shared together around the table strengthen family bonds and build memories.

It seems that we have become a generation that doesn't know how to do meals together anymore because we are in such a rush to move from one activity to the next. Our idea of mealtime is wolfing down a burger in the car, talking about agendas and schedules as we try not to be late for meetings, ballgames, concerts, lessons, classes, and late-night homework. Our hectic pace has eroded our family bonds. We are losing the art of conversation and relationship. Our children will suffer for it. So will we.

Next week, I am taking three women to Stillwater, MN for to participate in a three day "Stepping Stones University": a place where we will learn more about bringing ritual back into our families. Seems like an important (and timely) thing to do. In the weeks and months to come, you'll be able to read more about our efforts to give families the tools they need to communicate and care for one another, to strengthen relationships to each other and to God. So stay tuned...

Great News!

The waiting is finally over--the proposal to expand the Stepping Stones ministry has been funded by Plymouth's Foundation and the proposal to hire a youth ministry project coordinator has been funded by the church Trustees.

I couldn't let that announcement wait another day. This is big stuff. A huge moment. Next month, some volunteer coordinators and I will head off to Stillwater, MN for three full days of Stepping Stones training. While there, we will learn, laugh, play, dream, plan and organize. When we get home, we'll hit the ground running as we invite others to join us in this incredibly transformative, fun, life-changing ministry.

And next week, Molly Hagkull will take on the responsibility of creating a small group ministry for the high school students--something that has needed to happen for a long time, something that I've always wanted to get around to but never had the time, something that will transition kids from an amazing confirmation experience into an amazing high school experience. Her first job? Find others to join us in this incredibly transformative, fun, life-changing ministry.

Very cool.

The Fifth

You can take the fifth, plead the fifth, play a fifth, drink a fifth (not recommended, though), and even listen to Beethoven's Fifth.

You can also read about, change your life because of, improve your relationships, and make the world a better place by using Peter Senge's "Fifth Discipline"--a study on systems change. Although I'd read snippets of the book before, I listened to the first half of the book on my iPod last night while driving to and from my daughter's softball game. I was so engrossed in the book that I almost drove past the exit on the highway--it really is that good.

The basic premise? We are not individuals in this world, working alone, independent, disconnected from others. Everything we do impacts lots of other things and lots of other people. Decisions we make, things we say, actions we take--like the ripple effect in a pond.

That's a very, very, very abbreviated (and not even a complete) snapshot of where the book begins. It then goes on to talk about learning and growing, owning and sharing vision, learning to work together, strengthening trust and relationships, and practice...practice...practice.

Good read. I'll hopefully finish it tonight, on the road to another ballgame.

Brains, Stepping Stones and St. Louis

I'm back home after a quick trip to St. Louis. I drove down Monday to meet with David Greenhaw, president of Eden Seminary, to talk about brain research, theological studies, and how I might tie the two together. That's what I'd planned to talk about, anyway. What we ended up discussing was the Stepping Stones program and how it has the potential to not only change families but entire congregations as well. We talked about families sitting down to pray together, children who feel safe talking to their parents about tough issues, the ability for moms and dads to share their faith with their children and children to share their faith with their parents. It was a great conversation that gave me hope and renewed my sense of passion for this important ministry.

After that, I had fun saying 'hi' to some old friends that I'd lost touch with. Lots of fun.

Tuesday, I met with Karen Tye--a professor at Eden who takes brain research and techniques seriously. We had an interesting conversation about how the church really operates as one big brain: full of information, wired to do things in the most effective and wonderful ways, but often stuck in a rut because it chooses to use familiar pathways and known methods.

I drove home Tuesday night, a little more recharged and a little more ready to go back to work. A little more, that is. Still two weeks to go...